Birthday Tea
by Day of Diana
Summary: While the maniacal plant man insisted he would not harm her, Sakura very much doubted that he was as good as his word. ZetsuxSakura and slight ItachixSakura, because crack pairings never fail to amuse and/or horrify.


**Why hello there, everyone! Just to give you the basics: This is a sorta OOC though still plausible Naruto World one-shot I've been working on for the past two (er... or more) weeks and I've finally finished it! I will be updating my other fics soon too, because I've made a rigid schedule for myself, finally! Also, to become a better author, I'm going to start writing more one-shots and posting them on here to see how people respond to them. **

**There is a sexual scene in here. Just to warn you so that you can skip over it, if yah like. **

**This one-shot pairing's are: (not entirely) one-sided ZetsuxSakura and one-sided ItachixSakura. **

**DISCLAIMER: I hope you guys like crack, because here comes a great big noseful! Also, I do not own Naruto at all. -grins through gritted teeth-**

**One more note: **_"This one looks TASTY."_** - example of the black half of Zetsu talking. Most authors use italics to refer to that slightly ruder part of Zetsu, so I went along with it. **

OVXVXVXVXVXO

Sakura was sure she had never been in such an uncomfortable position in her life, and was also sure she never wanted to mold her body into this awkward "monkey-hanging-from-a-tree" form again.

Even if it was at a split-second notice, Sakura thought her body, conditioned from years of training to respond to the tiniest snap of a twig with extreme alarm and arrange itself into a defensive stance immediately, could come up with a more agreeable shape in which she could hang around for hours without feeling the need to shift and move around to relieve the aching of her back, neck and shoulders. And her legs, too, which were getting superbly sore, and which she would have to stretch and stretch (that would be so _agonizing_) later, while Naruto, Kakashi and Sai stood over her and reprimanded her about separating from their small group.

There was a tiny movement below her and Sakura's eyes snapped toward it, telling herself she was not in the least bit terrified by the relaxing pale, pale, _pale_ human (was he human? he was so so pale, like Sai, but even Sai's skin wasn't so cleanly, desperately, blindingly _white_) lying in the grass 7 feet under her current hiding place.

In her unwelcome surprise of finding another creature breathing within approximately the same 7 feet as her, in this uninhabited forest, (he chose here! of all places! the glen was 300 square miles wide for Hokage's sake!) her hands and legs had gripped the nearest secure hold they could find (a very convenient tree), and here she was, hanging, like a playful monkey, upside down, head craning to the side, trying to watch the man's actions.

After she had gotten away from the trio of men who always seemed to accompany her on her missions everywhere, Sakura had gone off a little ways to explore a good ten square miles of the forest. It wasn't that Kakashi, Naruto and Sai bored her, it was just... they had been searching the exact same scenery for 50 square miles for a week, and they hadn't found any traces at all of where Sasuke and his team might be.

That sneaky little bastard had them running all around Fire Country (and some other countries too) every other month. There were always little reports, semi-positive sightings of the guy and his band of 'half-crazy shits', as Naruto liked to call them, but the truth was always disheartening: The reports were all wholly false or merely mistaken. There was one citizen who swore she had been grabbed from behind by this freaking huge man with wild orange hair and almost gored to death when "a vision of beautiful pale skin and bluish raven locks" swept her off her feet and jumped five stories to deposit her on an abandoned building, then leapt away to battle the demon. She was given medication shortly afterward.

Nevertheless, Team Kakashi, with the sometimes present Yamato, was always sent out to investigate the accounted sightings of Sasuke. Sakura was tired of it all: the excitement that built up in her every time they went out to search the place where Sasuke was allegedly seen, the rush of near love for the boy who she had once admired so much, the journey to the site, the laughs and jokes along the way.

Then the crushing disappointment and her painful heartache when they found he never was there, never had been there... the report was wrong, a _lie_. Most of all, Sakura hated that she came to loathe these missions... no matter if she spent most of the time talking with Naruto, Sai and Kakashi, becoming closer to them. It was what she could not find... what she still longed to find.

Sometimes she could not bear it, and at night did slip out of her tent to double and triple check the areas they had already examined, hoping, in the wee hours of the morning, she would discover some miniscule clue her team had not found the afternoon before. Then, in her daydream, she would return to the camp triumphant, and her comrades would be filled with fresh hope, fresh strength, and set out anew, knowing that on this day, this pure glittering day, they would find Sasuke and they would return him to the village.

But no such thing had ever happened as of yet. Either Sasuke was the shit at covering his tracks, or he hadn't really been where the reports said he most certainly had been.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

Sakura clung with mounting fear to the thick tree branch as the pale shape under her hiding place yawned and turned over onto his side. She mentally exhaled a nervous sigh. Still napping. As he had been for the past four hours. She was getting extremely tired of hanging like this, and wondered if her team mates were worried about her. She allowed herself to invent a scene which partly satisfied her pondering and boredom: Naruto, Kakashi and Sai screaming and running around in circles with their hands up in the air and their clothes and hair in disarray, trying to find a decent place to have a sparring session while Sakura took her sweet time enjoying the forest and the many hidey holes it had to offer.

With a distasteful (but quiet, oh, yes, very quiet) snort, Sakura pulled her head out of her daydream. She cracked one eye open to look at the slumbering (PALE, get out in the SUN sometime, geez!) body below her. He was still there, his arms folded over each other, his head turned to the side, his chest rising and falling in a deep, even sleep. His shirt had been taken off sometime in the first twenty minutes she had been frozen to the tree. She supposed it was because the shade had been too hot for him. His rippling torso and arm muscles drew Sakura's attention every time the guy breathed. She thought he was either a ninja, or had a very hard to please wife.

Staring at people for too long made Sakura fidgety. Her body was getting quite restless, and there was this one spot on her nose she really had to scratch. It was driving her nuts. She sneaked a glance at the man again, only moving her eyes. Sleeping quietly. She supposed it wouldn't hurt to, very carefully, very quickly, rub her nose hard into her armpit, in an attempt to stop the irritating itchiness by preoccupying her nose with a horrible body odor.

About a split second after she had done this, (and she wished she hadn't, because the smell and the itching were a terrible combination to behold) there was a rustling in the leaves above her. Above her! She hadn't noticed anything hovering in the dark roof of green black leaves above her!

A black, black hand shot out from over her and snatched wildly in the air towards the collar of her vest. In her shock, Sakura remembered too late that when a danger presented itself and you weren't prepared for it, you should drop everything and high-tail your ass out of there.

The disembodied hand closed around her collar, and a very dark face pushed itself through the leaves to see her. It had two impossibly round golden eyes with no pupil, and absolutely no other visible orifices. The sight of the inhuman face scared Sakura half to death, and not just because it looked so out of the ordinary. Something in her mind had clicked into place. If she knew her deadly criminals, then this was half the body of one of the most notorious villains walking the face of the world right now: Zetsu of the Akatsuki Organization.

Before she had time to struggle, breathe or even blink, he sprinkled a mysterious green powder into her eyes, nose, and generally in the vicinity of her face. It danced before her eyes for a moment, twinkling in the shafts of light, and then, stupidly, she inhaled it, and everything went pitch black.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

He held her tightly by her odd shirt as she breathed in the knock-out powder and slumped backwards, unconscious. If he had had a mouth, he would have smirked; sinisterly. Quickly but carefully, he climbed down the tree while holding the girl securely over his shoulder, taking care not to hit or scratch her body on any part of the tree.

It had been a real chore to hide above her for so long, making as little movement as possible. It had been even more troublesome to quietly climb the tree while his other half kept her attention, making sure she didn't move anywhere else. But now he had her, and his plan was near completion. All he had to do was walk to that tiny hut he had built some years ago when he had first started taking a week off every now and then. Sure it was in the Fire Country, but it was a beautiful and peaceful forest, really, and he enjoyed the scenery as much as he enjoyed the solitude here. It was difficult for even his black half to find something offending about the place, though he would scoff at a loud creature or make an unpleasant comment about the humidity sometimes.

His white half joined him at the base of the tall tree and looked the pink-haired girl over with narrowed eyes. His black half would have rolled his eyes if he had had any pupils. He attempted to do so anyway but received no response for his haughty expression. When the two bodies of himself were separated, they had an impossible time reading each other's thoughts and feelings.

He put the girl down and his white half's eyes followed her. The black half did not contain his snicker, though he could have easily done so. His white half focused his attention on his black half. Then he said, "Shall we merge, dear flesh?"

"_Yes. It's been horrible on my chakra to move around like that without me._"

With hand seals so fast they appeared to the naked eye as though his hands had not moved at all, the two were together once more. The black half pretended not to be relieved while the white half sent pleased thoughts to himself.

Then, as one, they looked at the pink haired girl. She was breathing slowly but evenly, her chest barely rising and falling. The white half noticed the skin around her neck turning a bit purple and frowned, while the black half waited to move onward.

"You've poisoned her."

_"She'll live." _

"What did I say about the knock-out powder, hm?"

"_She'll be fine. We only need her for half an hour, maybe less._"

"Yes. But I wanted to-"

"_Let's go. We're wasting time._"

The white half fell silent, still staring forlornly at the girl on the ground. She was sweating slightly and smelled like she needed a good douse of deodorant. And she was pretty, he thought. Not in a conventional way of course, with her ridiculous pink hair and lean muscular frame that probably wouldn't make other girls look so good. She would do nicely for his planned activity. He smirked softly, more of a smile than a predatory grin. But there would be plenty of time for eating later. Right now, he had to hurry her to the hut before the knock-out powder wore off.

"Yes, let's be off."

The black half grunted in assent, then he lifted the girl once more, slung her a bit roughly over the white half's shoulder, and started walking towards the hut.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

Sakura woke with the strangest feeling that she did not get any real rest at all. It could be expected from sleeping on the stupid hard ground every day for a week, but... oh, wait a minute. She was not at the camp site, was she?

A light flared in the corner of her vision and she twisted quickly to see what it illuminated. A tightly tied rope, however, prevented her from doing any more than cricking her neck.

'The hell...?' Sakura thought, and she slowly turned her neck back around, careful not to injure herself further. The reason she had not noticed the damn rope in the first place was because her body, she realized, was completely numb from her shoulder line down. This, frankly, scared the shit out of her. She had been doing something that had left her paralyzed? Is that why she was tied like this, so as not to harm her poor body more? No, no, this was not the proper... and these ropes were faintly emitting a glow of chakra. If she concentrated hard enough on one spot of the rope, she could feel it slightly pulsating against her cold skin. It was as if a snake had wrapped itself around her and was slowly choking the life out of her... and then she gasped audibly. Her situation had hit her like a freight train hits a neatly tied up victim on its tracks.

"Hello, there. You've been out for quite awhile."

"_I was worried I actually _had _poisoned you too much..._"

"You did overdo it, I said you had."

"_You don't care._"

"As a matter of fact, I-"

"Okay!" Sakura bit out, eyes closed and a vein practically popping from her forehead (she pictured herself oddly as Tsunade for a moment). "What the hell is going on here?"

There was a rustling sound and Sakura head a tiny scritching noise before another light lit up. Three inches from her face. She would have jumped backwards, but the ropes did their job to constrict her reflexive movements.

She could see that the two halves of the freaky man had been put back together somehow... probably took a bloodline trait to split them apart and fit them back in themselves... like a morbid puzzle with only two pieces.

He stood shirtless before her, muscles well defined and ominous, and she didn't mean to swallow audibly as he took a step forwards and leaned to put the candle on the table beside her.

Now that there was (hardly) more light for her to see by, she could make out some of her surroundings. A teeny kitchenette stood off to her right... she supposed she was tied to one of the kitchen chairs. There was a bed in one corner, big enough for only one person, she noted. For some reason, that made her feel a tiny bit safer before she remembered she was being held by an enemy. The walls were not concrete, but did look as though they had some sort of tacky bamboo styled wallpaper on them. Sakura then knew that the walls were actually made from the plant. Well, that made sense... the guy _was_ wearing a Venus Fly Trap as a fashion accessory. Wasn't he the one obsessed with horticulture...? She had read that, she was sure of it...

"The situation is, you've caught me in a bit of a jam."

Sakura, whose mind was stuck on the big blobs of gooey red that appeared sporadically all over the floor of the hut, snapped her attention back to the monster.

"Some people are looking for me right now, and I've got to stay low."

Sakura was sure she had misread the emotion on his face as 'troubled'. S-class criminals were never troubled. They were happy go-lucky maniacal bastards.

"Since you happened upon me and would no doubt unveil me if I let you pass me by undisturbed, I took the liberty of placing you here, that is, until the people have finished with this area."

Sakura saw his face relax into a smile and felt the urge to scream. Instead she said, "If you harm me, I'll kill you."

He nodded and his features turned impassive.

She was now bewildered. "You're not going to eat me?"

He turned around and walked half a step to the teeny kitchenette. "No. To tell you the truth, I just ate a big meal. I'm not going to be hungry again for a while."

She could not help a glance at the floor where the red pools shimmered in the candle light. She felt her stomach clench in revulsion.

"Are you thirsty? I can make tea, if you would like some."

She looked in his direction. He wasn't looking at her, but searching through a hand made cupboard.

Was he really trying to make small talk with her? And why in the hell would he make her something to drink if she was his _captive_?

"How long are you going to keep me here?" She might as well try to get some answers out of him if he was going to be polite and talkative.

"Oh, maybe another couple of hours. They're almost done, I think." She watched him take a rusted kettle out of the cupboard and place it on a hot plate.

"Uh-huh, right. And what makes you think I won't report you as soon as you untie me?"

He paused, then bent down, searching through a cupboard under the sink. She tried not to stare at a particular body part that was right in front of her face. After a few minutes of fishing around under the sink, he came up with two chipped tea cups. She was bemused now. Was he really being hospitable? Unless, of course, those two cups were for his two halves, and he had rudely discounted her after she hadn't answered his question. Which, she realized, was rude of her. Then she mentally smacked herself.

"Sorry, I only have two types of tea right now. Jasmine or tapioca-leaf?"

She stared at him. He stared back. She thought about how odd his eyes were. He was probably thinking about how oddly colored her hair was. But his hair was green! She mentally smacked herself again.

"You didn't answer my question."

"_And you didn't answer mine, girlie._"

Ah, so he was keeping tabs on the conversation. Then he knew how odd this situation was too. Perhaps he could see how she was shaking in her chair and trying to keep a calm air about herself. But maybe he held pleasant discussions with all of his prisoners and decided to overlook their fears in order to hold civil chats to ward off his loneliness. What was she thinking? This was getting ridiculous.

"Tapioca-leaf is deadly. You're trying to kill me." Did she see a corner of his mouth turn down?

"_Not when it's been boiled enough times. _I don't like to kill when I'm off the job."

Her mouth actually opened a bit at that outrageous statement. "Off the job? What do you mean by that?"

She saw him look a little taken aback before his emotions sealed themselves away again. "You're a sharp one. What's your name?"

Sakura allowed him to change the subject but vowed she would bring it up later, at a less dangerous time. After all, they were just getting to know each other (that sounded weird in her mind). He seemed to want to keep talking with her, and she could come up with a couple of reasons why. It must be lonely being an S-class criminal even among other S-class criminals. Oh gods, was she feeling pity for him? She better not be. That would be... crazy.

But feeling as though she had nothing to lose and that he probably knew her name already (she had seen herself in too many bingo books), she saw no reason to lie. "Haruno Sakura, Zetsu of the Akatsuki Organization." Was it just her, or did he look pleased?

"_It seems my infamy even extends to Konoha._"

Really? He was doing a bad job of playing dumb. And he _had _already known who she was. Such an ego for a criminal. "You knew I know who you are," Sakura took a cautious step forward in their 'relationship'. "Otherwise I'd have obviously asked." Let's hope humor diffuses the situation...

"Yes. That would have been a first step of any kidnapping."

Sakura felt calmer and more anxious at the same time. Her trick of easing the tension with a light comment seemed to have worked, though he had alluded to the situation as a kidnapping. Should she take that as a sign to shut up for a while, or a sign to continue speaking lightly with him, if the allusion was a joke? It was hard to call, because she currently couldn't see his face; he was pumping water into the kettle.

She chose to take a risk. "You have running water in here?" Lame.

And he thought so too apparently, because he did not answer her immediately. He had probably guessed what she was trying to do, too.

"Look, we don't have to-" She gasped as a sharp pain stabbed at her tummy and made her insides quiver. She suddenly felt nauseated. Zetsu had turned around quickly at the noise, but remained where he was, watching her as she doubled over and bit her lip to keep herself from gasping again as the chakra ropes tightened.

There was another jolt of pain from her stomach, then another, and it seemed to go on for a number of minutes before slowing and then stopping. She didn't really know what to make of it, but after the pain receded she sat up straight in her chair and continued her train of thought. At least, she would have, if she hadn't seen something that scared her very much.

Zetsu was grinning. It wasn't the actual grin itself that frightened her, it was something about the way his eyes glinted and the way his mouth was set so that she could count all of his razor sharp teeth. The emotions behind the predatory smirk overwhelmed her for half a second and she could swear she saw something red flash near him or on him to betray his animalistic character. But in the blink of an eye, she was looking at his stoic face once more, and he was asking if she was quite alright.

"I'm f-fine. I think it was just..." Sakura felt the wetness of her medic shorts and inwardly groaned. Her cycle wasn't due for another two weeks! What gives? Well, this was gross. But if Zetsu was going to make good on his promise in a couple of hours and release her, (let's hope to high, high heaven he's not lying about that, girlie) she could clean up later. In the meantime, Sakura told herself, I'll try my best to cross my legs and hope his nose doesn't work too well in this stuffy hut.

Crossing her legs could be done somewhat given her tight restraints, but if Zetsu noticed the smell he didn't say anything, for which Sakura was grateful for. (that didn't really make any sense, did it?)

"I've something to tell you. _Though it doesn't really concern you._"

She watched as he brought two cups of steaming tea to the table. That was strange. When did the kettle whistle? While she was in pain?

"What is it?" If he wanted to tell her something, and it didn't apply to her, it would be urgent or hilarious. And she doubted his sense of humor.

"Today's my birthday." To her utter amazement, he smiled genuinely and poured some tea into her teacup. Hey... wasn't her teacup full when he gave it to her? And why was the kettle suddenly over here?

"Oh, it is? Happy Birthday." Well, she could humor him, couldn't she? It wasn't as though she was seriously wishing him another good full year of murdering people and being a criminal.

"Thank you." He drank his tea in one gulp, licked his lips, then drank her cup of tea too. She couldn't muster the mood to be surprised.

"Couldn't you have untied me for that?" She asked in a mock hurt voice.

He swallowed the tea, ran his tongue around the rim of her cup and across the top of his lips, and shook his head.

"I think it's about time for you to leave, Miss Haruno."

She wasn't about to argue with that. Just as long as he didn't kill her.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

He laid the pink-haired girl down on the tatami mats that covered the floor of the hut. The table and chair had been hung on the rafters earlier, so there was a little more space for him to move around in while he did his planned activity for the afternoon. He thought about drawing the curtains on the windows, but soon dismissed that idea, as there wouldn't be any light to see by if he did.

Zetsu heard the door to the hut close and a latch catch into place and turned around. Uchiha Itachi stood off to the side of the door, his collar up to his nose as if he didn't want to breathe in the air of the hut.

"You didn't have to lock the door, but thank you."

Itachi stared at him. Zetsu stared back.

"Why did you call me away from my mission, Mr. Zetsu?" He thought he heard a trace of annoyance in the Uchiha's voice, but decided to ignore it. The Uchiha probably wasn't happy about the situation because it involved someone from his past... _that _must bring back painful memories. Zetsu smiled.

He gestured to the girl. "I assume you know her? Or shall I make the proper introductions?"

Itachi's blood red eyes flickered to her and back, and he gave a small nod. Zetsu's smile widened the tiniest bit. "Haruno Sakura, yes? _I've heard rumors she and a team are searching for your estranged brother..." _

Itachi's eyes narrowed for a moment, but he gave no other indication to his emotional state. Zetsu wasn't sure why he felt the need to torture the Uchiha like this. It wasn't as though he was looking for a fight with him... and Itachi was very hard to rile anyway. So he continued without adding any more little details about Haruno's unfortunate job.

"I would like you to place her under a genjutsu."

Zetsu waited for Itachi to ask what possible reason there could be to place the girl in a horrible amount of pain, but he didn't even blink. Had he already figured it out for himself? No, even Itachi couldn't catch on that quickly.

"Would you like her to be in a pleasant one or a tortuous one while you rape her?"

Zetsu raised an eyebrow and didn't respond right away. Impressive. Of course, the clues were all there, she was on the floor, unconscious... and he probably looked a little bit too excited just to be having a mid-day snack.

"Can you construct a plausible setting for her to be in? Maybe... I don't know, having tea with her team?"

"That's doable." Itachi replied in a dull tone. Surely he didn't condone this sort of practice? Zetsu had at least expected a little questioning, but Itachi looked, if not enthusiastic, ready to start with the genjutsu.

"I, I just have a few things to ask before you... begin. Will she be able to feel any...er... sensations, outside the jutsu?"

Itachi considered. "She might feel extreme pain if you do not use a lubricant." Zetsu noticed his voice sounded twisted and a bit higher in pitch, as if he was mildly unsure about doing this. Itachi continued.

"Otherwise, she should be completely unaware until it's lifted. Are you going to eat her, afterward?" Zetsu, surprised by the question, decided to toy with him before he got down to business.

"_Depends on my mood._" Zetsu hid a snigger when he saw the unnerved look the younger man couldn't repress. The Uchiha, Zetsu knew now, was unquestionably disturbed by the plant man's planned activity. Oh well. He didn't have a choice but to obey Zetsu's orders. And he didn't have to stay for the show. He was only part of the preparations.

Zetsu knelt down beside the girl and began removing her vest. Itachi stood silently by the hut's door, his eyes downcast but his face revealing nothing. From his body language, though, Zetsu could tell he wasn't pleased with this assignment. In fact, his eyes weren't directed at the girl probably because he wanted to spare her dignity! Zetsu never realized that the Uchiha and the girl had been so close before the man's defection from Konoha. Itachi had never even spoken about her.

Zetsu hummed as he unwound the wrappings from the girl's chest, exposing her small breasts. He felt a slight thrill as his white fingers touched them and slid over them. Small though they may be, they looked exceedingly perfect to him. He lowered his face to her chest and licked a nipple, then sucked on it gently. While she wasn't moaning and begging him to do these things and more to her, he could imagine that she was. He'd imagined this day for a very long time.

Sakura shifted a little as his careful hands pulled down her medic skirt slowly, and Zetsu realized it was time to put the jutsu on her, or he'd find himself castrated in another couple of minutes. The medic skirt came off and he admired the way her medic shorts clung to her body before asking Itachi to do his work. The Uchiha, who had been staring at the ground for the past couple of minutes, walked forward quietly. Zetsu had the sudden impression that he was afraid. No, that wasn't it...

Itachi couldn't stop himself from sweeping his eyes over Sakura's prone form. Clad in just her shorts, she would have made quite an alluring picture if she had been awake. But she would never have sex with an enemy willingly. Itachi understood from the beginning that was why Zetsu had wanted her in a pleasant dream-like state, so that he wouldn't have to endure her screams of protest. No...wait a moment... that was not the real issue. Itachi thought, and it came to him. In this way, she would never remember the encounter and be scarred for life. She was, for lack of a better positive outlook on this whole thing, being protected. Zetsu wanted to protect her... hm. Why? It was unpleasant to force oneself on someone, but if Zetsu did this kind of thing, he wouldn't be thinking about his victim's feelings. He'd be thinking about his gratification. Then...

Itachi sat back on his haunches. Zetsu had been planning this, possibly for a long time. She wasn't just some random girl he had decided to tear into. Zetsu had an... an obsession with her.

Itachi glanced quickly at his superior. The plant man was gazing almost _lovingly_ at Sakura's face. Itachi didn't know how he recognized the emotion behind it, he just felt that it was the most correct way to describe it. This was...

Zetsu felt eyes on him and looked up. Itachi was staring at him.

"Oh, are you finished?"

Itachi shook his head. "No. Mr. Zetsu, there is something I need to ask you."

Zetsu was slightly wary. "Yes, Mr. Uchiha?"

"How long have you been planning this?"

Zetsu was taken aback. He had underestimated Itachi's analytic powers. Gods, this guy really wasn't called a genius for nothing. But he really had nothing to hide, so he answered truthfully.

"About two years now." Zetsu saw no change in the Uchiha's face, nor his voice when he spoke again.

"You've been stalking her since she was fourteen?" Oh, that was a little bold. And an odd follow-up question. Did the Uchiha still feel such a strong connection to Sakura that he was appalled by this level of unsolicited infatuation towards her, or just the general idea of it?

"To be frank, yes. _Does that bother you somehow, Mr. Uchiha_?"

Itachi didn't reply, but Zetsu saw his eyebrows rise and then drop. That neutral expression that he hid behind all the time was back. Whatever. Zetsu didn't care about any feelings the Uchiha might harbor for the girl. He was getting impatient.

"Did you know her in the village, before you left? Were you two acquaintances? Friends, even?"

Itachi knew what Zetsu was trying to do. He decided to end this before it got out of control. "She played with my younger brother. She used to come over to the compound and they would play together. We spoke once or twice, but I was already in ANBU and was away often."

He spoke softly but he knew Zetsu could hear him. Itachi offered no real information on how well he had known her when she was little. He had to keep this short so that he could return to his mission and forget this ever took place.

Zetsu, however, didn't let the matter drop. "And how do you think she is now? Did you read her stats in the most recent bingo book? Impressed with her abilities?"

Itachi did not say anything more. He simply leaned over Sakura, opened her eyes with his fingers, and turned on his Mangekyo Sharingan. Her eyes were clouded, but she was coming back to consciousness. He supposed her body was fighting whatever had put her in a false coma. She was near enough to waking that he could plunge her into a deep REM dream and not have to over-exert himself too much.

He had to make up an alternate version of the next twenty minutes or so on a minute to minute basis. Because he'd never made a painless reality before and had to construct one specifically designed for Sakura and her 'unique situation', this could take up to an hour to revise and implement so that there would be no major mistakes in it.

Zetsu observed the process for ten minutes, which passed in an uneasy silence. Finally, he had had enough. It was his birthday and he wanted this very very badly.

"Mr. Uchiha, you are dismissed." Itachi looked up, cool indifference on his features.

"I need more time to-"

"_No. You're done_." Zetsu felt his black half grow increasingly irritated as Itachi sat back slowly and regarded him.

"If the episode runs out before you're... finished, there are going to be disastrous consequences. Surely you know this. I've got to make this up a bit at a time and pass it through to her, so I need ten more minutes before you can... start."

Zetsu grinned at him and Itachi looked stoically back. "_I'm tired of waiting._"

Itachi nodded and stood up. It would be pointless, and stupid, to argue with this deadly, sex-deprived monster. He made to leave, but Zetsu's voice called to him once more.

"_Don't return to your previous mission. Stand outside at a distance. I will need your Sharingan if she wakes up._"

Without turning around, Itachi nodded his understanding and left. Outside, he found a shady tree 25 yards away from the hut and sat down, cross-legged, to meditate. He steeled his mind against the images of Sakura's rounded breasts and waited.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

It was less work than Zetsu thought it would be to fully arouse himself with an unconscious girl as his mate. He had taken off the rest of her clothing carefully, sniffed her under wrappings a bit, then folded them and put them out of the way. It wouldn't do for it to get damaged during their time together. After all, he needed to return her to the camping site before darkness fell so that her team wouldn't suspect anything.

After folding her clothing, he had resettled on top of her and had began by sniffing her hair, face and neck. They had smelled very nice, though a little salty. He bit down on her clavicle gently, then harder, just to test the jutsu. She hadn't even moved. Secretly disappointed, he moved on to licking and laving various parts of her, enjoying her scent and body. He ground his pelvis against her and then slid his member through her hair, over her face, and in between the valley of her breasts. By touching the very tip of his penis to her mouth, he found he could produce an exquisite jolt that ran down his spine and tingled in his loins. He did this over and over, imagining the sheer joy and ravenous hunger on her face as he did so. This helped him even more.

In a little over five minutes, his member stood at attention and he was ready to go. Her body, however, was not. He had prepared a special, cherry-scented lubricant especially for them, and poured the stuff on his fingers to rub over his member and inside of her vaginal cavities. He had wondered about stimulating her sexually without her being awake before, but when Itachi had said she most likely wouldn't respond to anything external, he had decided his best choice would be to just go with the lube. It would have been used anyway.

Now he pushed himself inside her, and it was pure bliss from the first second. Though he had prepared for over two years with other women to do this, he felt it was all in vain once her muscles caught him. She was obviously a virgin. Her tightness confirmed that. Oh, the heat, OH, it was amazing. He pumped agonizingly slowly at first, wanting it to last forever. He focused on her face and imagined it held a wild, sexy grin. She was urging him to go faster, to relieve his need and hers, and who was he to deny her? So he sped up. Faster, faster! And: There.

Stars dazzled his vision as he came, filling her to the brim and then some. Zetsu was fairly sure he screamed out her name. He collapsed on top of her, feeling exhausted but satisfied, so satisfied. Finally, his dream two years in the making was done, over with. But his obsession was just beginning.

He rolled off of her and gazed at her, his body aching for a rest. He was sweating like she had been, half an hour ago. But her sweat had dried in the languid air, and his was still running down his sides. He picked up a lock of her hair and inhaled it. Sweet.

"I want to get to know you," he murmured into her ear, his tongue lazily exploring the outer shell of it. "But..." He sighed deeply and put his arms around her, feeling how cool and soft her body was against his hot and hard one. She felt good, and it crossed his mind to have her again, but he was a sensible person and knew he had had his share. For today.

He drifted off to sleep, holding her gently.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

After Itachi heard a very loud strangled cry, he knew his services were not needed any longer. But the Mangekyo Sharingan's hold on Sakura would not last three minutes more, and Itachi did not want to explain the death of Zetsu if the girl did indeed wake up. He had read her information in the bingo books, and while he had never seen her in action, knew that the obsessed fool would not stand a chance of defending himself right after... well... sex.

He had absolutely no right to feel agitated by Zetsu's feelings for the girl. It wasn't as though she returned them... hell, she didn't even know what was going, or had been going, on. This did not concern him at all, though he had just been used as a tool to help Zetsu rape her. He wasn't involved. This could continue on and he would not care about whatever happened to Sakura. Not even if she, by some strange, inconvenient plot, was captured and held at an Akatsuki base would he bother to talk to her or even have to been seen by her. And if Zetsu had maimed and/or killed her in the hut, he wouldn't even have to bury her. The man would just eat her. And... okay. His mind was running in circles. He had to calm down. He noticed his hands were trembling slightly. Exhaling, he started towards the hut.

In his youth, Sakura did come to the Uchiha compound to play with Sasuke. His younger brother only ever allowed a small group of friends to visit him there, and she was one of the five children who would come over to play. During the evenings of such play dates, she was often invited by his mother to stay for dinner and after dinner tea. She had truly been a delight. Conversing with the whole family, she showed her playful personality and high intelligence through her mannerisms, questions, and anecdotes. Even though she was five years younger than him, she was nearly at his level of understanding at the time. When he came to pick up Sasuke from his classes, the two brothers sometimes walked Sakura home as well. Then he started talking with her outside of the meals they shared, outside of the compound, too. He found her quiet brilliance and easy-going character very likable.

When he was fourteen, some months away from murdering his clan and defecting from Konoha, the friendship he and Sakura shared took a turn he could not have predicted, his genius aside. He began to see her in an entirely different light. Now, when they talked, he always felt slightly nervous that he would say something wrong. He tried to impress her with amazing tricks and helped her with her own progress towards becoming a grand ninja. When she complimented him or thanked him, he would blush. When she touched him, he would smile softly and touch her, usually on the same place on her body. He would experiment with his body at night, thinking about her. He knew she hadn't matured in that way yet, so it would be inappropriate to speak to her about it. And, subconsciously, he noticed her growing affection for his younger brother.

When he had to flee at age fifteen, leaving a trail of blood behind, he couldn't stop to say goodbye to her. In fact, she hadn't even been on his mind, those past few months. He had been so focused on his job, doing it right, not leaving any real evidence to find, that it had been a few days after the mass murder that he thought of her, and he had broken down and cried.

Knowing he would never see her again, he kept few memories of her and started the new chapter in his life as a missing-nin.

Sakura herself probably never viewed him in that way. Probably never would, either. She was searching for Sasuke, after all. She had never searched for him, Itachi. Oh, that was a ridiculous thought anyway.

Her memories of him... had they soured over the years? Poisoned by the village... and Sasuke. Ah... were his younger brother and the pink-haired girl a couple? Had they ever been romantically involved? It was undeniable.

He had had his chance. So what if she had been nine at the time? He could have... he should have... hn. No point in wasting time over what ifs. Itachi stuffed his dark thoughts down inside of himself, to be sifted through at a later time.

Itachi opened the door to the hut. His eyes were quickly drawn to the centerpiece of the room. Zetsu, naked, with his arms and legs slung over the girl, blocking her nakedness from his view. Hn.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

Zetsu woke when his hyper-sensitive ears heard a step coming in his direction. Though his mind was foggy, he sat up, pushing something warm off of himself and untangling his legs from somewhere. He then blinked and rubbed his eyes, feeling happily fuzzy from the afterglow. He hadn't felt this way after sex since... ever. Straightening, he stretched and turned halfway around to see who he thought he was going to see: the Uchiha, standing silently, waiting.

"_Did you watch?_"

Itachi continued standing wordlessly, though he shifted his weight backwards a little bit. Zetsu grinned.

"_Did you listen?_"

Itachi did not answer again, his face expressionless. Zetsu's grin widened to include his sharp teeth. He would crack this guy.

"_Do you want to have a go with her?_" This time, he got an answer he was looking for. Itachi's chakra flared for less than a second, indicating possible frustration. Zetsu laughed and reached for his trousers.

"_Temper, temper, Mr. Uchiha._"

Itachi turned on his heal and walked out of the hut, saying, "I'm returning to my previous mission."

Yes, Zetsu thought. Walk away from this girl. She's _mine_.

OVXVXVXVXVXO

**Er... did you like it? I... uh. **

**It has come to my attention (thanks, subconscious) that this fic does have some homoerotic overtones in it. I did not plan any of that. It was completely unintentional. I swear. No, really. I'm completely serious, you guys. **

**But now that I've read and re-read and re-re-read...um... yeah... those overtones do add something sensual to the story. I'm not suggesting anything even remotely romantic or whatever between Zetsu and Itachi. Here's an explanation for that uncomfortable stuff: Zetsu works for Madara, you remember him, right, the deranged lunatic bent on taking over the world? Well, sometimes Zetsu is a little agitated by Madara's antics and has to leave for a while. In fact, sometimes he is so fed up with his boss (nothing romantic going on there, either, kiddos) that he projects his frustration on the only other Uchiha walking around: Itachi. They're similar enough to Zetsu. This may not be entirely fair, but, hey, Zetsu's only human, right? **

**Uh... **_**is**_** he a human...? **


End file.
